The Bitching Hour

You guys.

I hate American Horror Story. Hate it. But season three's opening?

How did they film the inside of my brain?! My every day is scored by people who've been on NIN albums!

That being said, there's more than just American Shit Story's take on witches hitting the small screen this year. YouTube, seeing the crap I've watched, helpfully told me, "you may also enjoy... The Witches of East End."

No, YouTube. I don't think I will. Except in the way that I'll totally watch it because they cancelled that other witch show I was hate-watching. And it's on Lifetime. Have you ever watched a Lifetime movie?!  This is amazing shit right here.

(YouTube also frequently recommends me things like 'BABY MERMAID BIRTH CONFIRMED' or 'They Live in Trees! Skunk Ape Documentary' alongside shows on serial killers. Also 'Say Yes to the Dress.' So it is not to be trusted.)

Currently

Drinking: Bois de Rose.

Coveting: fucking everything in this shop.

Watching: Snog, Marry, Avoid.

Moonlight Desires.

This one of my all-time favourite numbers. I'm not in it, but... good goddamn. I cannot stop laughing at it, even now.

These moonlight desire haunt me!


And here's my sister, Voodoo Pixie, and I doing our Geek number! ...still not as awesome as fucking Gowan up there, though. (I needed more blood capsules in my mouth.)

Music. Booze. WTFery

Fats approaching the AbraCadaver Cabaret. This has left precious little time for much of, well, anything really. Here, have some spooky music!

Boo-yah. The classic X-Entertainment Halloween Jukebox available, of course.

I downloaded Hipster Halloween after hearing a lot of the songs on Bindlegrim Radio. It's a nice alternative to the same Halloween CDs that come out every year that for some reason really, really want to make 'Purple People Eater' happen. I fucking hate that song. However, it does inexplicably include 'Teddy Bear's Panic' on it. What the fuck, Henry Hall? Henry Hall, for the record, looked like someone my sister would date. So from now on Henry Hall is her boyfriend, we've decided. We were probably drunk at the time.

SPEAKING OF DRUNK... Voodoo and I purchased some Rickard's Cardigan beer. Because it's wearing a sweater. No, seriously, that's why Voodoo bought the first box. But then we bought two more boxes, because we actually liked it. ...and Aleister Crane drank all of the first box. It's a nice autumn flavour that manages not to taste like rotting pumpkin. Next on the Spooky Brew list is Dead Guy Ale. I'll let you know how that goes.

Martha Stewart really dropped the ball this year. The only time we ever buy her bloody magazine is in October, but this year the Halloween issue was a fucking reprint! BOO-URNS, MARTHA. I wanted new spooky shit! I'd cut a bitch, but I'm pretty sure Martha is secretly like the Grand Wizard in Worst Witch or some shit.

If that wasn't WTF enough for you, I present Jeff Goldblum as a fucking vampire.

It Begins. ...again.

It's the Autumn Equinox!

Know what that means?

We can officially start the annual HALLOWEEN COUNTDOWN!

Get out of here, summer. Nobody likes you.

Designer Vag

The Perfect Vagina: a documentary on the growing trend of plastic surgery on your cooch. I warn you, this is horrifying - you see a 21-year-old girl go under the knife.

You're going to want to beat the shit out of a lot of guys they talk to. (But I am sort of love in with the mulleted guy in the park who is all, "I have never not liked a vagina!" though.)

The woman who makes people "talk for their vagina" sort of makes me facepalm. But you know, if it helps people not hack up their ladybits for cosmetic purposes? Go for it.It's honestly depressing how many of the women in this film just think their genitals are hideous. Like, I'm sorry, ALL genitals are kind of weird looking, male and female.

...don't read the comments on the page, either. Fuck me, people are stupid.


And so continues my week of depressing documentaries! Also watched: the suicide forest of Japan, several horrible drug docs, and one on "England's Jersey Shore."

trepanning?

So. I had a seizure on Thursday morning. This would be more exciting news if it were my first, but it's my fourth so as sick as it sounds I'm kinda old hat at them by now. I bit my tongue up, but not as bad as the first time - it's still a bit numb and weird feeling at the tip today, but the side seems mostly okay.

The doctor put me on Dilantin. I'm not sure I'm thrilled about it - it's played merry hell with my balance, which means I actually left rehearsal on Sunday in tears. Oh, yeah. It also seems to be playing merry hell with my emotional state as well. So that's fun. I need to make an appointment with my regular neurologist and see if I can't maybe switch to the meds I was on in Dublin instead.  Being seizure free is nice, but I'd also like to be relatively sane and not prone to bursting into tears over old Degrassi episodes.


Hey! You know what?! It's almost summer! That means it's time to start thinking about Halloween! No, seriously. Here, have a post to put you in the mood prematurely.

Today I decided to check out the 'fitness centre' at the pool near my house. I had been warned by a friend that it was small, and that I would have to fight elderly Chinese women for the elliptical machine. Neither of these warnings were exaggerated.

Yup, just a morning spent with me and the over-sixty crowd! And holy shit do those women have staying power - they get on a machine and fuck you, they are getting in their maximum half hour! A woman older than my mom officially could out-treadmill me. Anyway, I finally managed to snag the stationary bike, which for some reason was outfitted with the most uncomfortable seat in the universe. I'm talking the banana-seat-bike you had when you were eleven and you fell on it once and made your crotch bleed. THAT seat.

What I'm trying to say is my nether regions hurt now. Not my actual crotch, but like... if you cross your legs and stick your hand between your legs and feel like, right where your butt starts? There! Ugh, the pain.


Tonight Voodoo and I watched 'Ghost Adventures' which we thought was a parody show but is not. There was a Salem episode, so we took bets on how long it would take for Christian Day to appear onscreen. We were both wrong - he didn't show up until a whole sixteen minutes into the episode, wearing what looked like a pillowcase.

Not flattering. Just sayin'.

Pork is a party meat.

Tranny Zuko's debut solo is up!

He's such a sweetheart. I was sitting next to his mother when he did this number. He did not warn her about his, er, "hand blender."

He choreographed this number for us, which I'd love to do again - I was hella ill that night, and could have done better.

I have no words for how awesome this is.

Via Strategic Sorcery:



The frightening part is I think I recognised 99% of the stuff in the background.
Pete, you above all others should appreciate this one.

Queen of Pain!

Here's the routine from the last Taboo Revue. Hard to believe the next one is this weekend! Many thanks to Hunter S. Johnson for being my bitch.

20120128 - Taboo Revue - 05 - Mama Fortuna - Queen of Pain from Screaming Chicken on Vimeo.

Playing catch up.

Last night was Naked Girls Reading: Bust Of!. The event was held at the Backstage Lounge on Granville Island,which was a lovely venue with excellent staff. I'm extremely excited this is the new home for Naked Girls, although I'll have to get used to actually using a microphone. Normally I just depend on my natural loudness!

I read excerpts from Good Omens, and Herbert West: Re-Animator. Diamond Minx kindly asked me to return next month, which is the Neil Gaiman night! Eeee! Whoever would have thought, the little goth girl who drew stupid comics about Mr. Gaiman would one day be reading his stuff nude on stage. I may have to e-mail him. "Hey, remember me? Guess what?!" Maggie Pie (who is a wonderful reader as well as fucking hilarious and sweet) already got dibs on American Gods, so I may do some short story stuff. The White Road and Shoggoth's Old Peculiar could be good.


Been catching up on other PBP links this morning, because I'm avoiding cleaning the house as long as possible. (Once I finish this entry and my tea, I'll get down to it, because the dust bunnies under my bed are probably sentient by this point.) Quite a few people wrote about devotional dance, which made me smack my forehead because you think I would have thought of that one!

Anyway. I'm going to share what remains one of my favourite numbers. I was supposed to actually be in this one, which was conceived by my little sister Voodoo Pixie (she's the tiny redhead, if you didn't know) but I had to drop out for reasons I can't even remember now. If she ever wants to do it again, though, I'm so there. Just watching the video makes me tear up, to be honest, although I don't think it will have that effect on everyone, heh.

Tribute to Ganesha. With our dear Franky Panky (who was the first Naked Boy Reading last night!) as Ganesha.

XD