October.

IT'S OVER.

FubarFoto documenting yours truly right before the bloodshed.

Well, AbraCadaver is, anyway. October is still just beginning, and thank all that is dark and spooky for that. The show was a huge success (I heard we had three walk-outs this year, which may be a new record) and the feedback I've gotten so far indicates people thought it was our most sophisticated production yet. I am truly blessed to work with so many talented and passionate people - it means we can keep scaring the living bejeezus out of people year after year.

The last act this year involved my darling little sister murdering me horribly on stage. My cousin was in attendance and she said that while the people around her reacted to our fighting with winces, she could only snort and think "sisters." Indeed, I think it would be hard to fight more convincingly with anyone BUT Voodoo - we've been play fighting for years, after all, and if we slip and actually hurt one another we won't be all that angry. And hurt ourselves we did - I cannot begin to tell you how many bruises I have, and my left knee is missing most of its skin. Worth it. However, these bumps combined with the physical exhaustion of both setting up and taking down the stage dec this year has left me pretty fucking sore.

This is not entirely a bad thing - it is a reminder that we live in the body. And some of us have not been looking after those bodies as well as we should.

October marks one of the traditional Witches Sabbats that I hold dear - Samhain. Halloween has always been my favourite holiday (and my favourite costume as a child was a bat, so we can see that goth is apparently a disease one contracts early on) and the spiritual side of this day is one that I have not been able to ignore with any great success even in my most secular phases.

Many people consider Samhain to be the Witches New Year. It's the final harvest, and as such acts as the death knell for the year.

Also a character on the old Ghostbusters cartoon.

I've come to approach the holiday as time to clear old old junk in order to set new patterns over the winter, and this year feels like a good one to really stop fucking around in. A lot of my plans over the past year started strong and fell flat, and that's a problem. I think I've learned ways to avoid the usual obstacles I create for myself, and now is a time when I truly have no excuses left to keep me from doing my shit.

And man, do I have shit to do.

Happy Halloween.

Haunted (when the minutes drag)

Every year I have a checklist of 'shit to do before Halloween.' The list tends to stay fairly consistent, as events tend to be annual. This year I've made an effort to shift  the focus from the blood-and-guts jump-scare aspect of the holiday to the more autumnal and haunting side.

Partially this is because I am a horror fan - serial killers and zombies don't belong to October, in my mind. That shit is all year round.  Ghosts on the other hand, really do seem to thrive as the weather turns cold, and monsters go with Halloween like Nutella goes with everything.

So. No gore flicks. Monster Squad, Elvira, Tales from the Darkside and every ghost movie ever rule the day. I haven't been to any haunted attractions - I enjoy them, but I've chosen instead to put my budget toward things like the Chilliwack Corn Maze, the Vancouver Haunted Trolley tour, and of course the Stanley Park Ghost Train. (This year's theme was Classic Movie Monsters. Perfect.) Today I'll be going to Burnaby to check out the 'Haunted Village.'

The weather has been perfect for October, alternating between sunny and foggy. Although I haven't made it out to the cemetery besides as part of the trolley tour, I have taken several walks through crisp autumn leaves and also along the seawall in the dense fog. I feel badly for my sister sometimes - October is her busiest month, and consequently she's said it doesn't feel like Halloween is so close.

Some holidays are just that - days. Halloween (and I guess Christmas) is different. It's a month-long celebration of spooky shit, a fantastical meeting of death and sex. I feel fortunate that I have had time to enjoy the pumpkin spice lattes and ciders, to make paper decorations for the walls, and to simply enjoy the atmosphere peculiar to this time of year.

They keep stolen souls in that pumpkin.

Now. Links.

Jezebel's Annual Halloween Thread Party. - Although the website has been on a steady decline in terms of good content, I do check in occasionally. I was pleased to see that they're doing another scary story thread, along with links to past years' tales. 

 
One of my favourite podcasts is Last Podcast on the Left. (My sister and I frequently reference it, and have taken to screaming about bones in the chocolate.) My absolute favourite episodes of the show are the Creepypasta ones, which I will now list here.

Creepypasta!- The very first, highlighting some of the better known stories.

A Smattering of Creepy - Includes the pug parade, and a real life serial killer call,

The Hamburgering -The boys explain how to play the Midnight Game.

Then Who Was Phone?! - The very, very best. If you listen to only one of these? Listen to this one, specifically around the 25 minute mark.

Babybum - The latest instalment. Ben Kissel's bedroom, talking to God, and the eternal mystery of who was phone. We still don't know.

More Horror Gaming

Found this one via Pewdiepie!

Lakeview Cabin.

I enjoyed barfing everywhere.

The Bitching Hour

You guys.

I hate American Horror Story. Hate it. But season three's opening?

How did they film the inside of my brain?! My every day is scored by people who've been on NIN albums!

That being said, there's more than just American Shit Story's take on witches hitting the small screen this year. YouTube, seeing the crap I've watched, helpfully told me, "you may also enjoy... The Witches of East End."

No, YouTube. I don't think I will. Except in the way that I'll totally watch it because they cancelled that other witch show I was hate-watching. And it's on Lifetime. Have you ever watched a Lifetime movie?!  This is amazing shit right here.

(YouTube also frequently recommends me things like 'BABY MERMAID BIRTH CONFIRMED' or 'They Live in Trees! Skunk Ape Documentary' alongside shows on serial killers. Also 'Say Yes to the Dress.' So it is not to be trusted.)

Halloween Cocktail: Bourbon edition

Stole these from Martha Stewart, tested em while Halloween crafting with my bud Kat.

Ice
6 ounces bourbon (I use Bulliet) 
4 teaspoons  lemonjuice
2 teaspoons maple syrup 
1 cup apple cider
Cayenne pepper 

Shake shake shake, senora, in your cocktail shaker. Makes 4 drinks. I forgot the cayenna after the first one, noticed no real difference. 




3/4 cup apple cider 
1/3 cup bourbon
2 tablespoons freshly squeezed lemon juice
2 thin slices fresh peeled ginger

Shake shake shake, again.

Driiiiiiiiiiiink. 

Mistress of the Dork

So, as you may already know, Elvira is one of my personal heroes. Last year I had enough hair to do a decent approximation of her look, but of course I have short hair now and that is not an option. So when I decided to be a bit lazy this year and do Elvira for Halloween again, I had to go out and buy a wig.

Naturally, I could not find a single Elvira wig in Vancouver. While at the new Target in PoCo I found a 'bouffant' wig for twelve bucks that I figured I could put together with another long black one I had leftover from last year's Abracadaver. No problem, right?

Yeeeeeeeeeah, no. 

Now, for twelve bucks I wasn't expecting much, but this wig was THE mankiest goddamn thing I have ever seen, and looked absolutely nothing like the box picture. Worse, as soon as I started to try and examine the damn thing it basically unravelled. 

Undaunted, I attacked the fucking thing with scissors, rubber bands, a needle and thread, and bourbon. Eventually I tamed Sir Manks-A-Lot into a puffy base, upon which I could put the better quality long black wig. Here are fake!instagram pictures of the result. 

Save-On Scares

Seen while checking out.

This sadly falling off the wall scary plastic thing summed up most of the half-assed Halloween offerings crammed onto one shelf.

Clearly a staff member cares, though.

Ye Olden Horror

I was talking to a friend about the fact that Halloween back in the day was far more terrifying... Apparently by accident. Like shit was supposed to be whimsical, but somehow got fucked. 
Exhibit A:

Nothing about this is okay.

 

And really, that's not all. This is one of my favourite  image sof all time, and is currently my phone background:

Halloween: Satan and mutant gourd-men.

Maybe it was just the decorations and shit... I'm sure the costumes were much OH JESUS CHRIST.

Trick or Treat.

Crap I didn't buy.

Halloween is creeping into retail stores, especially now that 'back to school' is over with. I've taken pictures of some of the shit that caught my eye, and will continue to do so.

This devil mask was in the Dollarama. It's too much evil for $1.25

Old pregnant witch.

I guess it's steampunk? But Jesus. Also available in albino.

Must be hard to get pizza delivered...

Growing up, my dad was a computer nerd. This meant we were one of the few families to own a computer before it was the norm - we had a Commodore 64, and more important to my sister and I, we later had an Amiga.

The Amiga was for games. Games where you had to type in instructions, or point and click, and maybe once in a while use the world's shittiest joystick to control a few pixels that were supposed to be a car.  I loved several Sierra game titles, like Space Quest and Police Quest, but the best game of all time as far as I was concerned was Uninvited.

The most terrifying screen of my childhood.

Also released for the Nintendo apparently, Uninvited had you losing your dumb kid brother after a car crash. Obviously he's inside the spooky old mansion you've crashed by. The mansion was huge and lush (well, at least by graphic standards at the time) and filled with ghosts, demons, and puzzles.

Oh, the puzzles.

Back then, I don't think game programmers gave two shits if you EVER beat their game.  Police Quest was written by a former cop, so god help you if you tried to pull a gun on some bikers without first using your nightstick. You would get your ass killed by not following proper police procedure. ...I was like, nine? I HAD NO IDEA. Anyway, Uninvited also gave no fucks - there were pretty much zero hints on how to solve shit, and even as an adult when I tracked down a copy to replay? I had to cheat. I have no dignity.

Anyway.

In the spirit of Uninvited, I present to you an online game that is quite reminiscent of it: Malstrums Mansion.

Leading up to Halloween I hope to post more low-budget horror games that don't blow. In the meanwhile, enjoy PewdiePie playing Outlast. (I love it when he gets so scared he sings. :3)