Mad World

Well, would you look at that. It's November. You wouldn't think so much could have changed since the last time I posted, but here we are.

AbraCadaver was a smashing success this year - I count it among one of our best shows. I honestly couldn't be more proud of both all the performers and also of us producers and writers - Melody Mangler and my sister Voodoo Pixie were fucking brilliant. I'm even happy with myself.

Although my wig made me look like my mom.

by FubarFoto

With AbraCadaver over, my sister and I settled into October. "We have a whole month to do Halloween things!" we said. My sister is always booked solid with Halloween shows because she's one of Vancouver's spookiest dancers, but we figured we'd still have loads of time to check out haunted trolleys and ghost trains.

Then we found out that our apartment building had been sold, and consequently the rent was going up.

And so, we found ourselves moving in the middle of the month. My sister and I moved back in together into the main floor of an old heritage house with stained glass windows, just a block from the ocean. We were blessed to have family and friends to help us, and although we moved in the middle of a storm warning it was truly not traumatic. We've acclimated to being in one another's space very quickly - the fact that the house is larger than we're used to no doubt helps. Surprisingly, I was gifted with the bigger bedroom, which clearly used to be a dining room. The size means that not only is it my bedroom, but also a perfect magical workroom. It even fits all of my books,

Speaking of books... You really ought to put your pre-order in for Glamour Magic: The Witchcraft Revolution to Get What You Want. I just did.

So. October went by in a blur. On the interpersonal level, I came to the decision to distance myself from people with the emotional intelligence of potatoes. This was a harder decision to make than perhaps it should have been, simply because one of the people in question was a part of the witch meetups I had been hosting. Consequently, I was trying stubbornly to make it work in spite of feeling disrespected more often than not. But ultimately I realised that I cannot work magic with someone who does not trust me, as it in turn destroys my own trust. It's a rotten cycle that leads solely to doubt and anger. That realisation made me reexamine other aspects of that relationship, and ultimately I found the negative outweighed the positive. So it was time to pull back. Thankfully I don't feel any genuine malice towards this person - mostly I just feel stupid.

More positively, this week I discovered that a lot more of my girlfriends at work are into fortune telling than I had suspected. I fully intend to organise a wine-and-tarot evening sometime this month, and perhaps try another magic night with the ladies who I know are a bit more open and honest.

My sister, as always, reminds me that I should settle for nothing less than love and respect.

Voodoo Pixie (and Sweet Pea McGee) as photographed by Bob Ayers.

ice age

The Capricorn full moon can mark the end of a long run or dry spell. Perhaps you’ll feel it as the end of a personal, social, or professional era and the crystallizing of a new reality. 
- via Rose Marcus

I spent all of last night catching up with a friend I had not seen properly in ages. Without going into details, I will say we had a falling out and consequently we both backed away from the friendship. I am pleased to find, however, that the entire bloody stump of the past has been neatly cauterized by time and I can now enjoy this person's company with no weirdness, no ache in the chest, no misgivings whatsoever.

I walked home at five in the morning. The sun was turning the sky shades of rose and pale blue, and I was still drunk. It was a wonderful morning - maybe the best of the summer so far.

Then of course I got home, collapsed, got woken up by Frances the gremlin cat, slept far too little and eventually got up with a raging headache. My sister was kind enough to bring some painkillers down to my place and then let me lay about like roadkill for another hour before dragging me back outside.


Tonight the house needs cleaning and cleansing; tomorrow I'm hosting a candle-making party.

I stopped in Michaels craft store to get wicks a few weeks ago now, and found a whole candle making kit marked down from sixty bucks to under twenty. It comes with normal wax, but I also have some soy kicking around here somewhere. I own lots of essential oils - mainly blends, but some pure - and of course I have the herb cupboard. The kit comes with dye too, so if anyone wishes to colour their candles to match their intent they can.

By tomorrow night I will also be recovered enough to want wine. Because alcohol and melting wax are the world's smartest combination.

I'm Not Done.

I wasn't going to go for a run tonight.

I stayed late at work - which is ridiculous lately - and came home feeling exhausted. I figured I'd just get caught up on some online business, and then sink in to watch some shitty TV and maybe do some reading.

Every so often it just takes one little thing to throw off your whole evening. My mood has been dipping a little as we get closer to the end of the month; Halloween remains my favourite holiday, but it's undeniable that one year ago it marked the breaking point of a whole MESS of shit that left me mired in a depressed state for months afterwards. Honestly, it was probably the worst point of my adult life - every day was grey, I'd cry for no reason and be unable to stop, and it was the only time I have ever been able to comprehend why people might want to harm themselves bodily.

Anyway, I found myself suddenly upset in that you only ever are when you let shit build up, and I decided that instead of moping I'd run down to the ocean and back. I did, getting more and more pissed as I did so. I got to the water very quickly, and sat down alone on a dock. Anger dissipated, and instead I found myself near tears.

Before I could get to weeping, an older dude with a bike approached and asked if I'd seen any empty bottles or cans. I replied I had not, and he asked if I knew of anywhere in the city that did hiring - he was from back East and had been in Vancouver three months with no job. He was not drunk or high or aggressive. He was a sheet metal worker named James. I directed him as best I could to the job centre downtown (which was not very well, I'm afraid) and we parted ways.

That's a dude with REAL problems. Who happens to have the same name as two of my deceased grandfathers.

On the run back I felt no anger, no sadness. Some cute dude in a suit on a bike asked for directions, then asked if I was running. "Yup, but not well," said I, so he rode along beside me til he reached the pizza joint, yelling, "you can do it!"


We do not always get to choose how things work out for us. I am privileged to be working at a job that I enjoy, and living in an apartment and area that I adore. I have good friends, and a wonderful family. I am physically in the best shape I've been in since my mid twenties, and my mind is alert. I have unconventional hobbies, but they mean a great deal to me as I am uninterested in leading a life unexamined.

I am not at the mercy of every little annoyance. Not tonight, not anymore.