Thursday, June 4, 2015

Belated Spring Cleaning

I have a friend who jokes that my apartment is haunted by a demon monk.

Let me back up - I have a friend who is a practising hedgewitch. She spent the night here once when she was blitzed out of her gourd on Absinthe (I am a good hostess with pretentious tastes) and as she lay on the couch, about to pass out, she told me she could heard some sort of chanting.

A few days later I sent her a clip of the LBRP and asked if that was what she'd heard. She said that yes, it sounded an awful lot like that although surely it was just my neighbours practising tonal singing at two in the goddamn morning.  I said uh huh, sure, and concluded that a likely explanation was a psychic echo - I'd just done the LBRP and the Rose Cross Ritual the day prior. I advanced my theory, and my friend insisted that she "wasn't psychic" and so decided that instead it was more likely that the home I've lived in for years without incident has a demon monk in the walls that I somehow never noticed.

Now, this IS a joke. But it was a joke that just happened to annoy me over time, because I pride myself on keeping a clean home. My natural paranoia coupled with a week-long case of emotional malaise, this wonderful article, and then this one as well, and I was well and truly ready to psychically carpet bomb the apartment.

Which is what I proceeded to do. Just to be on the safe side.

Apparently my paranoia.
After the smoke had cleared, the apartment definitely felt secure. But it also felt off somehow. A few days passed, and the feeling persisted so I invited my sister over, telling her to bring her cards. She obliged and with their help articulated what it was that was throwing me - the house was safe, but it was also sterile.

Like a complete dumbass, I'd bleached out all the spiritual energy of the house.

The solution was simply to re-cultivate the vibe I wanted, so it's not like it took a lot of additional work, but it was definitely  a good reminder that being over zealous can cost you. Focus too much on the potential spooks and you could wind up buggering the good shit, too.

Speaking of spooks and buggering...

The local Chapters is closing (sad) and so a bunch of the shittier books are on sale half price. That means I picked up a copy of "Fighting Malevolent Spirits: A Demonologist's Darkest Encounters" by Samantha E. Harris. I finished it today as I lounged on the couch with the cat, and hooooooooooooly balls is it terrible. The stories themselves are not particularly outrageous - it's typical Amityville/ghost show shit - but the writing is extremely poor, with words used improperly and sentences that occasionally don't make sense.

There was one story in the book, however, about a succubus/incubus - it apparently gender swapped at will - that was fucking a couple and some poor teenager. I'm certain that if it was legit it was utterly terrifying, but sadly all I could think of was Ghost, Alien or Molested?, further proving that I'm a terrible human being. Ah well, we all knew that already.

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