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Saturday, September 27, 2014

Spooky Ways to Waste Your Time

So, yesterday I stayed home sick, and since you can't sleep ALL day, the hours when I was not huddled in beed I was sat here with Miss Frances on my lap, playing spooky games online.

This is the face of love.
I found all of these on GameShed, because that means they were free. I also stuck solely to the ones I didn't have to download because that seemed like too much effort at the time. I'm a big fan of point-and-click games, mostly because I suck balls at real controls, so these are all of that sort.

Except this one: Little Phobia. You're a little boy who has to pee in the middle of the night. It is adorable and probably not hard for someone who has mastery over their motor control functions.

Whispers Room 6 has some extremely awkward grammar, as you might guess from the title. In it you play Mr. Johnson, whose wife and child go missing inside a spooky hotel. I'm sitting here trying to remember more about it besides the accidentally funny text, but I can't. So we'll say "you can waste time with it, sure."

The Insanity 2 has you play a reporter investigating an old asylum where a crazed doctor is fusing animals and people together. I had more fun with this one than I thought I would. The monsters are pretty cool, and trying to kill them was annoying enough to get the cat off my lap. Three stars.

Ghostscape 2: The Cabin is one of those 'walk around and find a bunch of shit' games, so if you hate those give it a pass. That said, I liked it because a) the Ankou is something I read about as a kid and b) it didn't have stupid jump scares and the puzzles made sense.

Q - You don't PLAY this so much as WATCH it. but it's pretty groovy if you consider it more of a vaguely interactive short film.

60 Seconds to Live - Exactly what it says. You have a minute.

Earl Gray is not remotely a horror game, but it has ghosts in it. You can treat these ghosts nicely or terribly, which was something I thought was quite fun. This is one of those "if I had children in my life that I could stand I'd play this with them" sort of games.

The Ugly sucked. It's like a choose-your-own-adventure in that every other choice is instant death. What's truly weird about it, however, is the graphics - everything is sort of hand-drawn like in an indie graphic novel, but then the gory shit is 'realistic.' It would have actually been creepier visually to just have everything keep that "I can sorta draw" aesthetic. Contains rape, and a dumb name for a serial killer. ('The Ugly'? Seriously? 'The Garrote Phantom' is better than that, jeez.)

Dreamgate Escape was fun. It doesn't seem to matter that you die, so I suppose it's a bit low stakes. I dunno I played that one right before I went to sleep again so my memory is a bit hazy but I seem to recall going, "oh, that was neat!"

These sucked, and all for the same reason:
The House 2
Real Horror Stories
The Halloween

Those three were some examples of the worst sort of point-and-click 'games' - you just tap on shit repeatedly until something happens, usually some shitty jump scare. That's not even a game, man. That's just tiring out your finger in a decidedly unsexy way. Two flippers down.

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